Faded
by Darth Patches
Summary: Qui-Gon watches over Obi-Wan after becoming one with the Force...


**Faded**

First, there was pain.  Blinding, searing, hot.  He couldn't see the floor rushing up to meet him, and he barely felt the impact through the fiery agony in his chest.  The floor was cool, but the fire burned away the sensation, leaving only heat.  He was dimly aware of the sound of lightsabers clashing, but he could see nothing.  His vision was red, with tendrils of black creeping in at the edges.  He summoned the little strength he had remaining to fight of the darkness.  It was too soon.  He had to tell Obi-Wan...  He felt the Sith's passing, and then silence.  The silence seemed to go on forever, and it frightened him.  *There is no fear...*  The thought, once reassuring, now seemed absurd.  If there was no fear, then what was he feeling?

Then, through the haze of pain, there was Obi-Wan.  He held his Master, cradling him gently.  Obi-Wan was speaking, that much he could tell, but he couldn't make out the words.  Still, he had to tell him, make sure he understood... "He is the Chosen One..."  He didn't understand his padawan's response, but felt his affirmation and his promise, through the Force.  He still couldn't see, and the darkness was encroaching even more.  All he knew at that moment, was the pain, and the gentle strength of Obi-Wan's arms.  His strength left him entirely, fading away, and the blackness took him.

Then there was nothing.  No pain, no hard floor, no warm arms.  Only the Force.  Slowly, he attuned himself, and there was sound again, and sight.

He could see Obi-Wan, holding the empty shell of his Master.  He felt his pain, yearned to comfort him.  He tried speaking to him, to let him know that he was still with him, that he had not abandoned him, but he was not strong enough.  His passing had been too quick, he hadn't had time to prepare, to save his strength for when he became one with the Force.  He had faded too far, and he could not help Obi-Wan; he could only watch.

*****

He stood next to Obi-Wan and watched as they burned his shell.  He felt no sadness for its passing, for it was only a shell.  He was one with the Force now, and there was peace and life and serenity and light.  His only sorrow was the anguish that it was causing Obi-Wan; he yearned to take that away from him.  But he could only watch.

*****

He watched the celebration as the parade wound to a stop in front of the steps.  He felt a surge of pride at the sight of Anakin, in Jedi tunics and a padawan braid.  And thankfulness as well towards Obi-Wan, standing beside him, sans braid.  He could feel his enjoyment of the festivities, but it was marred by sadness and regret.  Even now, at one with the Force, he suffered, for Obi-Wan was suffering, and he could not take that suffering away from him.  He could only watch.

*****

Later, he watched Obi-Wan, who, alone in his quarters, cried.  He sobbed his heartache into his pillow until finally a restless sleep took him.  He watched his former padawan sleep, longing to hold him in his arms, to reassure him.  But he couldn't.  He could only watch.

*****

He watched former padawan grow, from a Knight to a General.  Obi-Wan's pain faded after a while, losing not its strength, but at least its edge.  There was too much for him to concentrate on, that left no room for dwelling.  His duties, the war, and a padawan that had grown increasingly angry and volatile.  He saw Obi-Wan's stress, his doubts, his fears.  He felt his feelings of inadequacy to train Anakin, his insecurities, and even his anger towards his master for leaving him with a task he felt unqualified for.  He wished he hadn't been forced to lay this burden upon Obi-Wan, that he could lift it from his shoulders so he could see, even for a moment, the carefree young man he once was.  But he had only the Force now, and the Force could not grant wishes.  He watched as Anakin slowly spiraled into darkness, and he felt Obi-Wan's anguish and helplessness as he struggled to halt his student's fall.  He felt regret that he had forced the responsibility that should have been his upon Obi-Wan, but he could do nothing for him.  He could only watch, and so he did.

*****

He watched as student battled teacher, padawan against Master, and saw the apprentice lose, falling into a pit of molten rock.  He watched the fall of Anakin Skywalker, and the rise of Darth Vader.  He saw Obi-Wan's pain and regret, and felt frustration at his inability to help him.  He felt the sense of failure, the guilt, that Obi-Wan piled upon himself.  He watched Obi-Wan smuggle twin children, secretly, to protect them from their father.  He saw the burdens, the responsibility, the weariness, etched into every line of his face.  He wanted more than anything to ease his struggles, to smooth the lines from his face, but it was beyond his power.  Still, Obi-Wan carried out his duties with a grim determination, and he felt pride that his student had turned out to be such a fine Jedi.  He would have like to tell him so, let him know that he was not a failure.  But he could only watch.

*****

He watched an aged Obi-Wan take one of the twins, now a young man by the name of Luke Skywalker, under his wing.  He felt his fear; fear that he would fail to protect the boy from his father, and the Emperor.  His sorrow at his brother's death, even though they hadn't been close.  His pride in Luke's ability and aptitude.  His pain at the loss of Alderaan, and his surprise and fear at the discovery of the space station that destroyed it, as it captured their ship.  He felt also Obi-Wan's resignation when he realized what he had to do, and his regret that he would not have more time with the boy, and that he would have to leave him without explanation.  He saw Obi-Wan's determination to face Vader, and his preparation to become one with the Force.  He wanted to be able to encourage him, to tell him he believed in him, to express the confidence he felt in his former pupil.  He could not, but soon, soon he would be able to.  Soon they would be together again, and he could share with him everything he had been wanting to for so long.  Soon, but not yet.  For now, he could only watch.

*****

He watched as Obi-Wan calmly disabled the Death Star's tractor beam, and just as calmly faced Darth Vader so that the twins could escape.  He watched as Vader cut down Obi-Wan, and saw Obi-Wan's shell disappear.  Obi-Wan had prepared well.  He felt him join the Force, and felt a surge of happiness.  He could see him now; he was so close!  But Obi-Wan still had work to do.  So he waited, and watched.

*****

Obi-Wan watched Luke stand there, and urged him to run.  He could not fail again, not with this one.  Everything depended on him.  He saw the ship make it safely away.  Later he watched as the rebel fighters attacked the Death Star, and he guided Luke, encouraging him, telling him to trust him.  He watched him make the shot, and felt a surge of triumph when the Death star exploded.  He hadn't failed.  He felt relief.  His work was not over, but he could rest now, for a while.  As they celebrated, and presented the heroes with medals, Obi-Wan sat back and just watched.

*****

He saw Obi-Wan relax, and knew it was time.  He approached slowly, softly calling his name.  As Obi-Wan turned towards the voice he heard calling him, his expression turned from confusion to joy.  He crossed the rest of the space to Obi-Wan, and they just stared at each other for a long moment.  He thought of all the things that he wanted to say to Obi-Wan, unable to decide what to say first.   He finally settled on the one he believed was the most important:

"Obi-Wan, I am proud of you."

~Fin~


End file.
